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      It promises to be another memorable occasion — but will it beat Winters Games gone past? The 17-day sporting extravaganza is being dubbed as the most expensive Olympics ever, with the Russians having spent $50 billion on turning the faded Black Sea resort into a rejuvenated host venue. Thousands of athletes from over 80 different […]
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    • eBay to split off PayPal business September 30, 2014
      E-commerce site eBay is planning to split off its payments system PayPal into a separate company next year.
    • EU to keep Russia sanctions in place September 30, 2014
      The EU decides to keep sanctions on Russia in place, judging that Ukraine's peace deal is not fully effective.
    • Ireland gave 'state aid' to Apple September 30, 2014
      The European Commission publishes a letter it sent to Ireland accusing the country of giving Apple illegal state aid through special tax arrangements.
    • Recalculation boosts Kenyan economy September 30, 2014
      Kenya's economy is believed to be 25% larger than previously estimated following a change in the way its size is calculated.
    • L'Oreal halts travel to Hong Kong September 30, 2014
      French cosmetics giant L'Oreal bans its staff from travelling to Hong Kong until 6 October in response to the growing unrest in the city's streets.
    • Virgin asks for football TV inquiry September 30, 2014
      Virgin Media asks Ofcom to investigate the way that the Premier League sells its TV rights, saying the present system is causing "significant consumer harm".
    • Wonga sees profits more than halve September 30, 2014
      Annual profits at payday lender Wonga have fallen by more than half, the company announces.
    • Sainsbury's 'spend more' poster gaffe September 30, 2014
      A poster encouraging Sainsbury's staff to get customers to spend more is put up in a store window by mistake.
    • London Market Report September 30, 2014
      The FTSE 100 slips, with shares in Next the biggest faller after it warns that the warm weather has hit sales.
    • Eurozone inflation near five-year low September 30, 2014
      Eurozone inflation slipped again in September, with prices rising at their slowest rate in nearly five years.

How The Stimulus Works

This year, taxpayer will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. Wat is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will to to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will to to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will to go Japan.

If you purchase useless crap it will to to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on

, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

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