Category: Humor

Boob Jobs

implants.jpgBreast enlargement has surged ahead of automobiles and summer vacations as the number one graduation gift in Italy for girls who pass their secondary school exams.

Angelica Pesce, 18, Rome, said, “It’s a much more useful present than something like a car, which will break down after a few years, or a holiday, which is over within a week. My new breasts will last a lifetime.”

The miracles of modern medicine.

“Cheney Fatigue”

dick2.jpgFrom the Boston Herald

Republicans suffering from any of these symptoms should consider seeking medical attention:

-You find yourself saying more frequently, “Dan Quayle, now there was one heck of a vice-president!”

-You support Second Amendment rights, but do not have the slightest interest in shooting your hunting partner.

-Just once, you would love to hear Dick Cheney say, “It is classified information, but I’ll shout it to the world: My ATM pin code is Q-U-I-N-T-U-P-L-E-B-Y-P-A-S-S!”

-You hope the next time America recklessly enters into war using faulty intelligence, it will be completely President Bush’s idea.

-You are having second thoughts about awarding Halliburton a no-bid contract to remodel your bathroom.

-You are starting to question the logic that Dick Cheney is not part of the executive branch because he belongs to Sam’s Club.

-You are getting tired of receiving holiday cards from an undisclosed location.

-You question whether being confined indefinately in Guantanamo prison is excessive punishment for failing to yield at a rotary.

-You are not willing to pay Scooter Libby to mow your lawn until his presidential pardon comes through.

-The FBI agent tapping your phone without a warrant keeps changing your order from mushroom to pepperoni pizza.

-You feel it would be improper for Dick Cheney to testify before a congressional oversight committee but would not mind seeing him raked over the coals by Judge Maria Lopez.

Chris Rock: State Of The World

crock.jpg“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is a Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.”

Five Surgeons

Five surgeons from Indiana are having drinks at a conference:

The first, a Terre Haute surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second, a surgeon from Gary responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third, a Bloomington surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth, a Ft. Wayne Surgeon chimes in: “you know, I like construction workers…those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

But the fifth, an Indianapolis surgeon, shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.”

Ye Olde Smoke Shoppe

In the WEIRD NEWS section of the Bloomington Herald Times, I found this bizarre story:

Apparently a gravedigger, Keith Chartrand, broke into a casket while he was digging a grave and stole a skull and thigh bone. Then he took them home with the intention of making an ashtray and pipe from the body parts.

He was discovered Wednesday after his wife called the police with a complaint that he had killed her dog.

Chartrand was charged with removing a body from a grave and with cruelty to animals.

Hillary Clinton Support

The Democratic National Committee is currently polling Americans through the Internet to determine the electability of Hillary Clinton for the presidency of the United States in 2008.If you would like to show your support for Hillary and encourage her to run for President of the United States in 2008 please add your name to the bottom of the list below and send it on.

1. William Jefferson Clinton


Hazardous Situation

From my Mom:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is Politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me the President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.”

Fundamental Wikipedia

The online reference site, Wikipedia, was not acceptable to some conservative Christian activists. It was found to be too liberal, anti-Christian, anti-American. So they did something about it; they created their own site–Conservapedia.

This is a site that has to be seen to be believed. Reading entries from Conservapedia is almost like being educated in the 19th centuary. Here is one comparison:



“The party advocates civil liberties, social freedoms, equal rights, equal opportunity, fiscal responsibility, and a free enterprise system tempered by government intervention.”


“The Democrat voting record reveals a true agenda of cowering to terrorism, treasonous anti-Americanism, and contempt for America’s founding principles.”

Dynamite Dog

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly
payments of $690.00).

 He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It’s mid-winter;
and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice
with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR.

 They decide they want to make a natural-looking open water for the
ducks to focus on, somewhere for the decoys to float. Now making a hole in
the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little
more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of
the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse.
Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to
run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the
Navigator), decide on the following course of action:
They light the 40-second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw
the stick of dynamite as far away as possible. Remember a couple of
paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, The GUNS, and the DOG?

Let’s talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING,
especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: The dog takes
off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite,
with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.

 The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in
their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at
the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his Master, keeps
coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The
shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black

 The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another
shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and
of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog
takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator.

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on
the truck touches the dog’s rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the
truck and takes off after his master.

Then ” “” “” “” “” BOOOOOOOOOOOOM “” “” “” “” !

The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake,
leaving the two idiots standing there with “I can’t believe this just happened”
look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by Illegal
use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to
make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.


 The dog is okay. . doing fine. And you thought Rednecks only live in the South.

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